Hero of the Day
this is a follow up to my post in which i discussed the subject matter in my sociology class about families. heres the stuff i was refering to:
the characteristics of a healthy family are as follows:
- Problems are acknowledged and solved
- All feelings are expressed
- Communication is direct and congruent
- All family members can get their needs met.
- Family members allowed to be different.
- Anxiety level is low.
- Parents do what they say they will.
- Family roles are chosen and flexible.
- Atmosphere is fun and open.
as i mentioned earlier she showed us a video of a TV show that depicts a family that demonstrates these characteristics surprisingly well, and Shirz was correct in guessing the Osbournes. thats right ladies and gentleman. the fucking Osbournes.
and now for the characteristics of a dysfunctional family... in a dysfunctional family, the children tend to take on roles to deal with the problems facing the family as a whole. and those roles are as follows:
- Hero / third parent - usually the oldest, is care taker to the other children, often acts as the third parent or parent when mother and father are not around. tends to fall into a rut of constantly giving to the family, takes it upon themself to hold the famil together. is emotionally and physicly drained after a while. often has few friends and no social life.
- Scapegoat / Rebel - trouble maker, reaching out for attention, even if its bad. deflects attention away from problems with the family by causing problems of their own. resists authority and often contradicts the efforts of the "hero." also tends to take the fall when things go wrong.
- Mascot / Placator - clown. diverts attention from issues with humor. light hearted and entertaining, tries to avoid the problems and put on a happy face for others to see. this is who grows up to become Jim Carey, Louie Anderson and the like, using comedy to cope with crap from home.
- Lost Child / Withdrawn - avoids everything. keeps it all bottled up inside and tunes out the world, and is often, in return, ignored. most concerning of all the roles, can lead to long term problems and psychological trauma. "the quiet type who keeps to himelf."
any thoughts? do any of those roles sound familiar? if not, thats a good sign, but i think all families have a bit of dysfunctionality to them.... i know mine does.
posted by Thomas at 12:05 AM
3 Comments:
In my Cultural Diversity class we were asked what we thought made a family successful. Everything in the following list other then number 7 came up from everyone in the class. I thought that was interesting. Anyway, here's what my instructor listed. I believe she got this from a book titled, Roots and Wings.
1. Love and Acceptance
2. Communication
3. Values (family values and standards)
4. Cultural connection or connections, a sense of identity and feeling like you belong
5. Problem-solving; when faced with adversity, having problem-solving skills; process over product; being solution-oriented
6. Role models that promote values
7. Families have fun and share laughter together.
As for the dysfunctional part... I guess I'd identify with hero and withdrawn. Not completely though.
Dysfunctional? Nah. I'm not dysfunctional, let me show you why:
1. I'm your average nerd.
2. I have a healthy relationship with my parents.
3. Bring out the garbage.
4. Milk
5. Eggs
6. Seven
8. What was this about again?
I agree with you in that all families have a bit of dysfunctionality to them. It's quite hard to find one who belongs to the successful family per se (unless, of course, you are the Osbourne family).
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