Breakway

so summer is in full swing. i can tell by the tone in my mother's voice. its an anual tradition to give me hell during summer to do something, when all i wanna do is relax and slow down and enjoy my days. and i do for the most part until she realizes whats hapened. it sucks. i cant decide whether or not im looking forward to moving down to the city. the prospect is kinda scary for me at the moment.... plus living with my grandparents may be just as bad, i dont know.

in other news my former employer has decided to challenge my claim for unemployment. all thge while i am supposed to be looking for work in order to recieve unemployment, but havent been simply because im gonna want a job down in the city, not here. im not just gonna get a summer job when i can just as well enjoy my summer and get a job once i start spending my weeks down there. so.... im also slowly going broke. my checking has technically already been exhausted and i am now dipping into my savings $100 at a time.

dealing with life here is just getting tiring. i need another vacation. a vacation FROM my family. my mom claims i dont spend much time with my family, whch is reidiculous since i fucking live here. and i spend every day here. i need to escape. before i go insane. or is it too late? on top of that my life is just generally depressing to think about....... like now for instance.

UPDATE: oh good. more good news. looks like plans for staying at my grandmas next semester have been scrapped. yup. i dunno, i guess it has to do with my late nights out and my grandmas inability to deal with my being a responsible adult. because staying out late makes me irresponsible and disrespectful..... no wait, its cause i had my brother and sister with me a couple times........ and theres no telling what kind of evils they will be exposed to, Denny's is just not the family environment it used to be....... when my mom told me that it wouldnt work out, i expected it. i dont know why. maybe it was the tiny it of their conversation i caught as she walked by my door. mayabe its because when it rains it pours.

i suppose tomorow i'll get word that i ddnt get the grant for AAU. oh wait, i have to wait till the 15th before i COMPLETELY lose faith in myself and question my future. cant wait. boy i wish someone around here would actually make things a little easier..... just for a while. cuz.... it seems that everyone around here, with far too few acceptions, is bent on making my life miserable.

i was just thinking, as i squirm in bved unable to get back to sleep, if i were to get up and move and start over somewhere, it would be very easy. i have no job, i need to get out of this house, my school prospects are slowly circling the drain..... i wonder what Europe is like this time of year? Italy has some nice car design heritage. or how bout japan? brazil?

i got nothing. including sleep apparently. its 5 am. ive been awake for the last 2 hours